Welcome......

Welcome to my life, my hopes & dreams and often....my own personal hell.  

If I have to hear another story about someones husbands sisters boyfriends 2nd cousin twice removed who went through the EXACT same thing that I am going through and now they have 3 kids... 

I. WILL. SCREAM.  

Everyone's struggle with infertility is different.  Some have it harder, some easier, some end in triumph, some end in tears, some end in exasperation.  Some couples survive the struggle and are stronger for it and some learn that they are not strong enough together to walk this difficult road.  Some find comfort in God, some find that God seems to be difficult to find through the pain.  Some people lean on their friends and some alienate them until they stand alone.  Regardless of how you deal with your infertility- it is YOUR journey and yours and your husbands alone.  No one else will ever walk that exact same road, no one else comes from the exact same background and no one else can ever know how hard  your road is.  

Facts about MY infertility struggle:

I feel as though I'm going through this alone, although I know that my husband hopes and hurts as much as I do.

I believe my marriage will survive this.  Regardless of how our story "ends".

I was that girl that believed that everything happens for a reason and that faith could get me through anything.  Recently God seems difficult for me to find.

I am the "suffer in silence" kind of girl.  Hence, this blog.  I hold so much in and then when I let it out, it's not pretty.  I alienate my friends, I hibernate in my own home and I, admittedly, often feel sorry for myself.  I also pull my shit together and go to work and try to make a genuine effort to keep the friends I still have.  I take my frustration out on my husband, who is also my best friend.  That man must love me more than I could know to be able to put up with me some days :)

Some days this blog will feel somber, others it will be hopeful.  As we travel along this journey I am optimistic that there will be more and more hopeful posts than somber ones.

We will try IVF again.  Soon.  For now my mind, body and soul need a break.

Todays quote:  "If this is God's plan then I want no part in it."